Keith Hernandez's Is Way Better

The New York Yankees gave out 20,000 mustaches to fans at today's game in a show of support for Jason Giambi's All Star candidacy.

A-Rod kept 10,000 of them for general merkin usage.

And while Giambi claims to have grown his mustache naturally, I bet if you poked around his locker you'd fine some Rogaine. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

D-Train D-Railed

Dontrelle Willis had an MRI on his right knee on Tuesday. It revealed that he has tendinitis. 

It also revealed that he's a bit overrated and wears a baseball cap that's too big for him. That MRI is pretty, pretty smart. 

Alaska Basketball: It's Faaaaaaantastic (And Freezing)

The ABA has awarded an expansion team to Anchorage, Alaska. It will be the 46th team in the league.


The league appears to be running out of places for teams. The 47th team will play in Yigo, Guam while the 48th will be based out of my driveway.

Keep Yer Fingers Crossed, Hank

Hank Steinbrenner says he's still optimistic that the Yankees have a shot at making the playoffs.

The Hank Steinbrenner Scale O' Optimism:

1. Lenny Kravitz sings the National Anthem for Opening Day at the new Yankee Stadium
2. Turtlenecks and plaid jackets come back into style.
3. Hank tricks George into calling him "The Boss."
4. Treat Williams is cast to play Hank in the sequel to "The Bronx is Burning."
5. A low-level team will trade the Yankees a pitcher who can't handle New York and will wind up succeeding elsewhere.
6. A fan will ask for Hank's autograph and will be disappointed that he isn't Rush Limbaugh.
7. He issues a press release firing Joe Girardi, forgetting he hasn't actually fired Joe Girardi yet.
8. Yankees make the playoffs.
9. Horatio Sanz is cast to play Hank in the sequel to "The Bronx is Burning."
10. Hank completely finishes his Sunday brunch, which consists of three orders of Moons Over My Hammy and fourteen Diet Cokes.

Favre Is A CyberBully

Brett Favre has been contacting Green Bay Packers GM Ted Thompson via text messages about his thoughts on un-retiring and returning to the team this season.

Favre has also been sending current Packers QB Aaron Rogers taunting FunWall messages on FaceBook.

He additionally started a FaceBook group called "Quarterbacks Who Will be Taking Aaron Rogers Starting Job This Year." There are currently seventeen members.

Taste Full Or Less?

The Seattle SuperSonics have moved to Oklahoma City and are currently deciding on a new nickname.

I think anything but the "Bombers" would work.

There Are Other Things Vick Needs To Protect

Mike Vick, who is currently serving a 23-month prison sentence for organizing dog fights, has filed for bankruptcy protection. He claims he owes somewhere between $10-$50 million to creditors.

Vick also owes 45 cigarettes to Big Kwon Da Bonecrucha' in cellblock D and all of his desserts to Lord Salazar of the Latin Kings.