Detroit Will Miss Him

Matt Millen has finally been fired as the GM of the Detroit Lions.

Good for Matt. He finally gets what he's always wanted.

One can only assume that he wanted to get canned based on how he's run the team. Dude definitely has the experience to head up Lehman now... or enter a bunch of Dennis Farina look-a-like contests. One of them will lead to riches for him.

It's So Shiny

The Knicks plan on cutting Stephon Marbury by the end of the week.

Starbury has gotten a bad rap in New York. With only a passing glance, anybody can see what's wrong with him -- he's got an alien living in his head.

It's probably the same ones that set up shop in Sam Cassell's noggin too.

Turn and Cough

Jeremy Shockey will miss three-to-six weeks because of a sports hernia.

How did the Saints' doctors even test him for this?  Shockey rarely shows any balls on the field; you'd think he's a eunuch. 

A New Fu-Schnickens Joint Too?

Shaquille O'Neal claims that he will retire from basketball when his contract expires after the 2010 season.

Does this mean what I think it means... Shaq will finally have time to shoot sequels to "Blue Chips," "Kazaam," and "Steel?"

The golden age of the Big Aristotle on celluloid (1994-1997) can now enter the platinum era!

He Can Keep A Leprechaun And Sandwiches In The Basket

Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weiss has decided to wait to have surgery on his left knee after being inadvertently tackled by a player during the Michigan game on Saturday.



We all know Big Chazz can't wait to ride along the sideline in one of these:

El Fantasor Jugador -- Episode 2

Mexican wrestlers always spit the truth about fantasy football...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

OJ Will Find The Real Killer In Jail, Like In Shawshank

OJ Simpson's lawyers are fighting to get a racially diverse jury in his upcoming trial for kidnapping and armed robbery. 

Apparently the lawyers will not be content unless the jury is composed of at least:

2 African-American Men

2 African-American Women

3 Wiggers

A Blasian Hoochie 

3 Black Albino Pre-Op Trannies

No white women with blond hair

A Mexican Eskimo

Then, and only then, will OJ Simpson be able to have a fair trial. 

Darko & Marko for the Non-Narco

The Knicks have an open trade offer on the table from the Memphis Grizzlies -- Zach Randolph for Darko Milicic and Marko Jaric. 

If he's dealt, there's only two things Randolph will miss about New York: all-night pizza delivery and all-night weed delivery. 

Creating A True Master Race, One Baby At A Time

While recovering from his knee surgery, Tiger Woods found time to knock up his wife.

Good for Tiger that while he couldn't work on his long game, his smokin' hot wife was still able to work on his putz.

Del-Got-It!

Dear Carlos:

Remember when I said you look like you ate Delroy Lindo?

I apologize.

Keep up the great work.
Roto Recall.

BirDie

Pro golfer Tripp Isenhour agreed to probation, anger management classes and 100 community service after being charged with animal cruelty for killing a hawk with a chip shot. The hawk was allegedly chirping too loudly will Isenhour was attempting to film an instructional video.

Movie Pitch: Angry golfer with more of a chip on his shoulder than in his game is ordered by a judge to teach a flock of underprivileged inner-city hawks how to scavenger on the links instead of on the streets. Golfer played by Hugh Grant. CGI hawks voiced by Seth Rogan, Owen Wilson and the sassy duo of Jada Pinkett Smith & Tyra Banks.

Now all we need is $150 million...

Patrick Ewing Jr. Theory

Patrick Ewing Jr. has been traded to the Knicks. 

Many think unfair expectations will be heaped onto the son of former Knicks center Patrick Ewing, but the truth is both men will finish their New York careers with at least one similar stat.

Neither will win a ring. 

He'd Still Creep Out Children

Jeff Kent will have surgery to repair torn cartilage in his left knee. 

You think if I slip the doctor a $50 he'll add on a procedure to Kent's upper lip to prevent him from ever growing a creepy pedophile-ish moustache again?