"Hey Ma! No Third Servings Of The Pasta Primavera For Me!"

Former Met/New National/Past Steroid User Paul Lo Duca will be out for 4-6 weeks following knee surgery he had completed earlier today.

Those guys break down pretty quickly once they're off the juice... Just compare these photos of Paulie taken last summer and last week:

Paul Lo Duca Is A Crazy Person

PAUL LO DUCA GETS OFF THE PHONE WITH HIS AGENT. HE SMILES AND YELLS TO THE DOWNSTAIRS "STUDIO APARTMENT" WHERE HIS MOTHER LIVES.

Paul Lo Duca: Ma! Hey Ma! Pack ya Virgin Marys, Ma! We movin' to DC Ma! (beat) No Ma, Washington DC. (beat) No Ma, I didn't run for Congress. Ma! Listen Ma! I'm a Washington National now, Ma! (beat) Yes, it is sorta like bein' a baseball player, Ma. Now change out of your housecoat and start packin'! (beat) No. Mr. Minaya is not my boss no more. (beat) Ma, you can't call him a mulatto. (beat) No, I don't want no gellato right now neither. Just pack up!

END SCENE.

So Paul Lo Duca is getting feisty in his old age. He's claiming that he signed with the Washington Nationals as a free agent because he'll get the chance to play the Mets 18 times next season... so he can get REVENGE!

He also believes that the Nats have a chance of winning the division.

Seriously.

Paulie probably thinks he's mix between Michael and Sonny -- however the truth is that he's 100 percent Fredo.

Omar No Ama Lo Duca

The Mets have traded Guillermo Mota to the Brewers for catcher Johnny Estrada.

As happy as I am to see Mota leave, I was hoping it would be in a body bag. And shouldn't Omar Minaya have learned with Julio Franco and Tom Glavine that former Braves do not belong on the Mets. Who's he going to fill Mota's bullpen spot with -- John Rocker?

And seriously, did Paul Lo Duca give Omar throat herpes or something? What's with the hate? How is Paulie gonna explain this to Mamma Lo Duca? "No Ma, you're not gonna have to leave New York. No Ma, I'm not gonna be putting you in a home... Ma! Listen to me, Ma! Get your head out of the Foreman Grill, Ma. It doesn't run on gas. Your baby is still gonna play ball. You ever hear of the Long Island Ducks?"

Yorvit, We Hardly Even Knew You...

The New York Mets, who have been trying to fill their big hole at catcher, Saturday said they have ended negotiations with free-agent catcher Yorvit Torrealba.

Thank freakin' god. At the very least, this saves us from the inevitable backcover headlines from the Post and Daily News declaring "Yorvit is Terriabla" or "Yorvit Terrea-blows." It also spares me from thinking that Yorvit is some sort of Latino bastard child of Joe Torre and Jessica Alba.

Paul Lo Duca must be loving this right now. I picture him reading this story in his bathrobe and then yelling downstairs to the basement where his doting Italian mom lives. "Hey Ma! Hey Ma! Don't pack that Michelangelo statue up in newspaper just yet, Ma! Your baby is still gonna be a Met, Ma! Your baby is still gonna be a Met!"