Odensteogenesis Imperfecta

Greg Oden left his first NBA game in the first half after suffering a foot injury. He missed all of last season with a knee injury.

Mr. Oden... meet Mr. Glass

It's like he's looking in a mirror.

The Lucky One

New York Knicks forward Jared Jeffries broke his leg in practice over the weekend.

Apparently the injury happened when Jeffries looked at his teammates, muttered "Fuck that shit," and then bashed his own leg in with a tire iron.

Never Backe Down

Houston Astros pitcher Brandon Backe was arrested for being in a barroom brawl this past weekend.

It's great to know you don't even have to be a professional baseball player to get a hit on Brandon Backe.

Detroit Will Miss Him

Matt Millen has finally been fired as the GM of the Detroit Lions.

Good for Matt. He finally gets what he's always wanted.

One can only assume that he wanted to get canned based on how he's run the team. Dude definitely has the experience to head up Lehman now... or enter a bunch of Dennis Farina look-a-like contests. One of them will lead to riches for him.

It's So Shiny

The Knicks plan on cutting Stephon Marbury by the end of the week.

Starbury has gotten a bad rap in New York. With only a passing glance, anybody can see what's wrong with him -- he's got an alien living in his head.

It's probably the same ones that set up shop in Sam Cassell's noggin too.

Turn and Cough

Jeremy Shockey will miss three-to-six weeks because of a sports hernia.

How did the Saints' doctors even test him for this?  Shockey rarely shows any balls on the field; you'd think he's a eunuch. 

A New Fu-Schnickens Joint Too?

Shaquille O'Neal claims that he will retire from basketball when his contract expires after the 2010 season.

Does this mean what I think it means... Shaq will finally have time to shoot sequels to "Blue Chips," "Kazaam," and "Steel?"

The golden age of the Big Aristotle on celluloid (1994-1997) can now enter the platinum era!