Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
My Draft Results
Ladies and Gentlemen -- my fantasy football team for the 2007 season:
The Smashed PCs
1. (8) Rudi Johnson
2. (17) Willis McGahee
3. (32) Drew Brees
4. (41) Ahman Green
5. (56) Darrell Jackson
6. (65) Tony Gonzalez
7. (80) Vincent Jackson
8. (89) Chicago
9. (104) Joey Galloway
10. (113) JaMarcus Russell
11. (128) Reuben Droughns
12. (137) Jerry Porter
13. (152) Robbie Gould
14. (161) Mike Anderson
15. (176) Kenny Watson
I think we can all agree me and my co-owner (Sunil) picked an amazing team... if only stats from four years ago counted. The one thing that could've helped us out would've been if this guy busted through the doors of Sunil's house at the last minute to help save the day:
Kanye could've made it all work out, because that what Kanye do.
The Smashed PCs
1. (8) Rudi Johnson
2. (17) Willis McGahee
3. (32) Drew Brees
4. (41) Ahman Green
5. (56) Darrell Jackson
6. (65) Tony Gonzalez
7. (80) Vincent Jackson
8. (89) Chicago
9. (104) Joey Galloway
10. (113) JaMarcus Russell
11. (128) Reuben Droughns
12. (137) Jerry Porter
13. (152) Robbie Gould
14. (161) Mike Anderson
15. (176) Kenny Watson
I think we can all agree me and my co-owner (Sunil) picked an amazing team... if only stats from four years ago counted. The one thing that could've helped us out would've been if this guy busted through the doors of Sunil's house at the last minute to help save the day:
Kanye could've made it all work out, because that what Kanye do.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Today's Prediction
In honor of the swirling rumors concerning Fidel Castro's death, I predict that Orlando Hernandez will pitch the first no hitter in the history of the Mets. The hating of Fidelito is like catnip to asylum receiving Cubanos, no?
Friday, August 24, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Thoughts on Posting on Your League's Bulletin Board -- Pt. 2
If you don’t get a response, the team G.M. is probably a pussy, which you point out again in your follow-up posting, which should happen no later than 15 minutes after your initial posting. In this race, quantity is king.
Most likely, whomever you’ve just attacked, will try to hit back at you by making fun of members of your team. It’s doesn’t make a difference what is posted. It has no bearing on your next post, because at this point, the door has been opened for you to introduce a Personally Embarrassing and Nastily Ingenuous Story, or PENIS for short.
A PENIS is a strategic member of your fantasy arsenal. You fling a PENIS out there to gain mental control over those around you, because the origin of a PENIS is ensconced in shame and humiliation. You toss a PENIS in your opponents face and you are sure to catch his ire as well as capture his pride.
In a perfect world, you will know everybody in your league. And not just know them in a superficial “I’m aware of your first name” sort of way. No. You need to know them for years. You need to have gone out on weekend benders with them that involved Russian midgets and Tanzanian strippers. You need to have road tripped with them from coast to coast and spread your seed so that in every other county in Iowa there may be a multi-ethnic child with one of your genetic codes etched into it. You need to have one night in May 2004 bought him so many shots of tequila that he probably wound up getting head from a plump transsexual in the parking lot of an Arby's. You need these experiences because you will refine and retune them into bulletin board postings that will ably and publicly castrate your friends in front of your other friends.
This is what having a PENIS is all about – to humiliate your opponents with its size and girth.
So the moment someone responds to your initial insult, you must instantaneous come back with a PENIS and you must not hesitate for a millisecond. In a bulletin with a subject header marked “I’m Doing a Walk-a-Thon” (or some other non-threatening string of words that will goad everybody to click on it) you come back with the most awful story you can remember about your friend. Think back to when you were in college together and recall the formal where he wound up hooking up with a 50-year-old divorcee with a cleft palette. Or the time he casually mentioned that he got erect after seeing “300” the first time. Or how about how that time at Mardi Gras he fell into that puddle of mung-sludge on Bourbon Street and wound up testing positive for Hep A a month later. The beauty of it is that nothing is off limits.
You may be thinking that this opens you up to having a PENIS flung across your face. And this is true. And while at first glance this may appear to be unwanted, it’s worth it. This is because it leads to the final round of this battle. It’s the part that will infuriate your opponents the most. It’s the part that will prompt bulletin messages with the subject header “Not Cool” or “What a Fucking Douche” or “C’mon, I’m a Rabbi for Christ Sake.”... (to be continued)
Most likely, whomever you’ve just attacked, will try to hit back at you by making fun of members of your team. It’s doesn’t make a difference what is posted. It has no bearing on your next post, because at this point, the door has been opened for you to introduce a Personally Embarrassing and Nastily Ingenuous Story, or PENIS for short.
A PENIS is a strategic member of your fantasy arsenal. You fling a PENIS out there to gain mental control over those around you, because the origin of a PENIS is ensconced in shame and humiliation. You toss a PENIS in your opponents face and you are sure to catch his ire as well as capture his pride.
In a perfect world, you will know everybody in your league. And not just know them in a superficial “I’m aware of your first name” sort of way. No. You need to know them for years. You need to have gone out on weekend benders with them that involved Russian midgets and Tanzanian strippers. You need to have road tripped with them from coast to coast and spread your seed so that in every other county in Iowa there may be a multi-ethnic child with one of your genetic codes etched into it. You need to have one night in May 2004 bought him so many shots of tequila that he probably wound up getting head from a plump transsexual in the parking lot of an Arby's. You need these experiences because you will refine and retune them into bulletin board postings that will ably and publicly castrate your friends in front of your other friends.
This is what having a PENIS is all about – to humiliate your opponents with its size and girth.
So the moment someone responds to your initial insult, you must instantaneous come back with a PENIS and you must not hesitate for a millisecond. In a bulletin with a subject header marked “I’m Doing a Walk-a-Thon” (or some other non-threatening string of words that will goad everybody to click on it) you come back with the most awful story you can remember about your friend. Think back to when you were in college together and recall the formal where he wound up hooking up with a 50-year-old divorcee with a cleft palette. Or the time he casually mentioned that he got erect after seeing “300” the first time. Or how about how that time at Mardi Gras he fell into that puddle of mung-sludge on Bourbon Street and wound up testing positive for Hep A a month later. The beauty of it is that nothing is off limits.
You may be thinking that this opens you up to having a PENIS flung across your face. And this is true. And while at first glance this may appear to be unwanted, it’s worth it. This is because it leads to the final round of this battle. It’s the part that will infuriate your opponents the most. It’s the part that will prompt bulletin messages with the subject header “Not Cool” or “What a Fucking Douche” or “C’mon, I’m a Rabbi for Christ Sake.”... (to be continued)
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Thoughts on Posting on Your League's Bulletin Board -- Pt. 1
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First Post
Welcome to Roto Recall -- the blog where I'll discuss my current addiction, Fantasy Sports. I play in baseball, football and basketball leagues. I will mainly be commenting on my team and the other teams in my leagues, as well as my other random thoughts as they pertain to fantasy sports. I'll leave you with this thought... Bill is a ted.
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