Odensteogenesis Imperfecta

Greg Oden left his first NBA game in the first half after suffering a foot injury. He missed all of last season with a knee injury.

Mr. Oden... meet Mr. Glass

It's like he's looking in a mirror.

The Lucky One

New York Knicks forward Jared Jeffries broke his leg in practice over the weekend.

Apparently the injury happened when Jeffries looked at his teammates, muttered "Fuck that shit," and then bashed his own leg in with a tire iron.

Never Backe Down

Houston Astros pitcher Brandon Backe was arrested for being in a barroom brawl this past weekend.

It's great to know you don't even have to be a professional baseball player to get a hit on Brandon Backe.

Detroit Will Miss Him

Matt Millen has finally been fired as the GM of the Detroit Lions.

Good for Matt. He finally gets what he's always wanted.

One can only assume that he wanted to get canned based on how he's run the team. Dude definitely has the experience to head up Lehman now... or enter a bunch of Dennis Farina look-a-like contests. One of them will lead to riches for him.

It's So Shiny

The Knicks plan on cutting Stephon Marbury by the end of the week.

Starbury has gotten a bad rap in New York. With only a passing glance, anybody can see what's wrong with him -- he's got an alien living in his head.

It's probably the same ones that set up shop in Sam Cassell's noggin too.

Turn and Cough

Jeremy Shockey will miss three-to-six weeks because of a sports hernia.

How did the Saints' doctors even test him for this?  Shockey rarely shows any balls on the field; you'd think he's a eunuch. 

A New Fu-Schnickens Joint Too?

Shaquille O'Neal claims that he will retire from basketball when his contract expires after the 2010 season.

Does this mean what I think it means... Shaq will finally have time to shoot sequels to "Blue Chips," "Kazaam," and "Steel?"

The golden age of the Big Aristotle on celluloid (1994-1997) can now enter the platinum era!

He Can Keep A Leprechaun And Sandwiches In The Basket

Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weiss has decided to wait to have surgery on his left knee after being inadvertently tackled by a player during the Michigan game on Saturday.



We all know Big Chazz can't wait to ride along the sideline in one of these:

El Fantasor Jugador -- Episode 2

Mexican wrestlers always spit the truth about fantasy football...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

OJ Will Find The Real Killer In Jail, Like In Shawshank

OJ Simpson's lawyers are fighting to get a racially diverse jury in his upcoming trial for kidnapping and armed robbery. 

Apparently the lawyers will not be content unless the jury is composed of at least:

2 African-American Men

2 African-American Women

3 Wiggers

A Blasian Hoochie 

3 Black Albino Pre-Op Trannies

No white women with blond hair

A Mexican Eskimo

Then, and only then, will OJ Simpson be able to have a fair trial. 

Darko & Marko for the Non-Narco

The Knicks have an open trade offer on the table from the Memphis Grizzlies -- Zach Randolph for Darko Milicic and Marko Jaric. 

If he's dealt, there's only two things Randolph will miss about New York: all-night pizza delivery and all-night weed delivery. 

Creating A True Master Race, One Baby At A Time

While recovering from his knee surgery, Tiger Woods found time to knock up his wife.

Good for Tiger that while he couldn't work on his long game, his smokin' hot wife was still able to work on his putz.

Del-Got-It!

Dear Carlos:

Remember when I said you look like you ate Delroy Lindo?

I apologize.

Keep up the great work.
Roto Recall.

BirDie

Pro golfer Tripp Isenhour agreed to probation, anger management classes and 100 community service after being charged with animal cruelty for killing a hawk with a chip shot. The hawk was allegedly chirping too loudly will Isenhour was attempting to film an instructional video.

Movie Pitch: Angry golfer with more of a chip on his shoulder than in his game is ordered by a judge to teach a flock of underprivileged inner-city hawks how to scavenger on the links instead of on the streets. Golfer played by Hugh Grant. CGI hawks voiced by Seth Rogan, Owen Wilson and the sassy duo of Jada Pinkett Smith & Tyra Banks.

Now all we need is $150 million...

Patrick Ewing Jr. Theory

Patrick Ewing Jr. has been traded to the Knicks. 

Many think unfair expectations will be heaped onto the son of former Knicks center Patrick Ewing, but the truth is both men will finish their New York careers with at least one similar stat.

Neither will win a ring. 

He'd Still Creep Out Children

Jeff Kent will have surgery to repair torn cartilage in his left knee. 

You think if I slip the doctor a $50 he'll add on a procedure to Kent's upper lip to prevent him from ever growing a creepy pedophile-ish moustache again?

Hard Thrower, Somewhat Less So On The Running Part

The Brewers are appealing the one-hitter C.C. Sabathia threw for them today. They believe the lone hit should have been scored an error.

The lone hit was a slow roller to Sabathia that he was slower to get to and wound up dropping anyway.   

Maybe he should start envisioning the ball as a meatball. Nobody can remember the last time C.C. has dropped one of those.  

Gray Brings Out His Swarthiness

The Memphis Grizzlies have signed Iranian dynamo center Hamed Haddadi.

I think we all know what Haddadi will wear to his first press conference:

We Still Think It's An Adorable Little Hobby

The 2008 Women's Final Four brought more than $19 million to the Tampa, Florida economy.

This year's Super Bowl will also be held in Tampa. It's expect to bring in more than $300 million to the local economy.

Roto Recall gets the feeling that a Hannah Montana concert would bring the same flow to town as the women's NCAA tourney... except it would be waaaaay easier to nab a ticket for the basketball game.

His (Police) Record Isn't Impressive Enough

The Cincinnati Bengals are shopping around Rudi Johnson.

In return, the Bengals expect to receive a player with a pending class 2 felony and/or bricks of heroin currently hidden in his girlfriend's leather couch.

I Hear He's Having A Great Time In Greece Too... Interesting

The real reason Michael Strahan has decided to remain retired...

The McDonald's Southern Style Chicken Sandwich.

Bah-Di-Dah-Dah-Dah... I'm fuckin' lovin' it!

Straight Into The Throat

A single thought on the Mets 13-inning 8-7 loss to the Phillies last night...

Swedes Start Boycotting Cuban Sandwiches

In an essay, Fidel Castro has offered his full support to Angel Matos, the Cuban taekwondo athlete who was disqualified during his Bronze medal match and then kicked the Swedish judge in the face for disqualifying him.

Castro went on to pontificate about "European chauvinism" and "repugnant mercenary actions" of those who convince athletes to defect from the country.

I firmly believe Fidel is only a state media-published-essay-concerning-email-and-the-decline-of-punctuation away from becoming the Cuban Andy Rooney.

"Or, Imagine, Being Able To Be Magically Whisked Away To... Delaware."

Elena Della Donne, the top female basketball recruit in the country, has transferred from UConn to Delaware so she can focus on playing volleyball.

Just goes to show you, even one of the best women's basketball players thinks that women's basketball is boring.

And that Delaware is a better place to live than Connecticut.

And that tight white volleyball shorts give a better tingly feeling than baggy white basketball shorts.

And that it's okay to wear black athletic socks.

Elena Delle Donne, you are a mystery slathered in enigma gravy, battered with a flaky crust of conundrum.

Start Practicing How Not To Look Concussed

Brett Favre probably won't play in the Jets preseason finale.

I've got a better prediction: Brett Favre probably won't play in the Jets regular season finale either.

Miles Of Miles

Darius Miles has signed with the Boston Celtics. He has missed the last two season while recovering from microfracture surgery.


Is a side-effect from microfracture surgery rapid aging? Darius played a high school student only four years ago in "The Perfect Score." Now dude looks like he could play Tisha Campell's husband who together oversee a house full of adorably snarky kids in a ABC Family sitcom.

The Tradition Continues

The University of Miami has suspended 7 players, including starting quarterback Robert Marve, from their opening game next weekend for varying off-the-field incidents.




None of these kids should worry about having a future in the NFL -- as long as there's the Cincinnati Bengals, they can keep hope alive.

That's "Hot" As In Burning

The Arizona Cardinals have named Kurt Warner as starting QB over Matt Leinart.

The team cited Leinart's shoddy playing in the preseason as the reason for the decision, however Roto Recall knows the truth:

Paris Hilton-infused gonorrhea has finally infiltrated Leinart's arm.

And let's be completely honest about it... There's probably a touch of the syphilis in it too. And by "touch," I mean Leinart's arm is syphilis.

Ay Dios Mios!

Here's some free advice for Spain's basketball team who will be playing Team USA for the gold...

Don't do the African-American equivalent of that Chinese thing you did last week.

Ron Artest will be on the first junk to Beijing if you do.

Brits Should Try To Grab Hong Kong Too

David Beckham will participate in Sunday's Closing Ceremony at the Olympics. He will be part of the British contingent that will be handed the Olympic flag to celebrate the 2012 London Games.

While there is a fevered excitement about Becks being involved, a quarter of the way through the ceremony everybody will realize that it doesn't make a difference if he's there or not and that they probably would've gotten similar results without him there in the first place. Right LA Galaxy?

Iron Lion Zion

The IOC has publicly criticized Jamaican gold medalist Usain Bolt for excessive celebrating following his record-breaking runs in the 100-meter and 200-meter dashes.

Other people are hopping on the hate train too -- Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity have since accused Usain Bolt of being a secret Muslin.

Last Chance To Hit The Andy Warhol Museum

University of Pittsburgh forward Mike Cook has been denied an extra year of eligibility by the NCAA. He missed most of his senior season with a knee injury.

Mike Cook needs to look at the bright side of all of this: He's just added an extra year of eligibility of him drifting from random D-League team to random Greek League team to random Serbian League team.

Plus, he doesn't have to live in Pittsburgh anymore.

He Likes To Linger For A Bit

Philly receiver Kevin Curtis will miss the start of te NFL season due to hernia surgery.

Luckily the broken hernia was discovered during coach Andy Reid's daily hernia check of the team. Donovan McNabb all the way down to the dude in the Eagles mascot costume has to turn and cough for Coach Reid.

The man can't help it if he's an amateur hernia enthusiast.