Chuck Knoblauch is on the lam! Federal agents are unable to find him to serve him with a subpoena to come before a House of Representatives panel to discuss his role in the baseball steroids controversy. 
This should have been completely expected as Chuck Knoblauch is a tiny tiny tiny wee little man. His real size is roughly the length of Rick Moranis in "Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves" (after he wound up shrinking himself).As such, the government needs to stake out the following locations because Mr. Knoblauch will turn up at one of them eventually: thimbles, doll houses, mouse holes, rabbit holes, gopher holes, holes on golf courses, shot glasses, acorns, beach shells, spoons, human ears, sidewalk cracks, and, of course, Scores (East Side and West Side).
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