Next Thing You're Telling Me I Can't Whip It Out In The Parking Lot

A top New Jersey lawmaker demanded a crackdown after The New York Times reported that Jets fans gather on a pedestrian ramp at halftime urging women to expose their breasts.

Kenny Cardozo (right), a Jets fan from Bayonne, New Jersey, sent the following note to Roto Recall late last night:

First off, I would like to apologize for being caught saying these things to chicks. I never meant to get caught. I’ve been married three times to my high school sweetheart, so you know I really respect chicks.

What’s more important is that the public understands what’s behind the words, “Show me your titties.” You see, the titties don’t represent titties but more so a desire to win. We, as Jet fans, want to suckle at the nipple of victory. But off of whose nipple can we slurp? Eric Mangini? Perhaps if we liked the sour flavor of generic soap, Axe Body Spray and vinegar. I believe us Jet fans deserve the tang of triumph. And we can only get that tang by yelling at that tang. And by tang I mean both a synonym for flavor as well as pootang, which is a slang word for the lady vagina.

Also, I think it’s wrong to blame everybody who was yelling at the time. To be fair a good fifteen-percent of the guys were so drunk they thought they were at the Springsteen concert. “Bruuuuuuce” can easily sound like “Boooooobs.” Next time you’re at the bar scream “Bruuuuuuce” at a skanky chick and you’ll probably get the same reaction as “Boooooobs.”

In conclusion, my uncle is a fireman in Newark so give me a break on this one, okay? It’s not like we were throwing snowballs or nothing.